** True to Conviction: The Virginity Issue

I was stunned when I read the scathing criticism I received the other day regarding my reply to Lawstude on the “touchy” virginity issue.

Richard’s Personal Statement:
[I am quite aware that each and very person has the right to air his/her opinion. Cognizant of this very vital fact, I assert, in this public forum, that I respect personal opinion just as much as I would like others to respect my stand and not look down upon me by using derogatory language!!]

It behooves me to at least clear the air on some issues raised by some commentators here especially Share my point of view and Henry Kay. In this post, I will italicize parts of the comments by these commentators and present my answers for the same in bold type.


Share my point of view starts by saying: “Pathetic. Your mindset is disgusting.”

Richard says: “Share my point of view, this is quite a very interesting statement. You mean my mind set is disgusting just because you don’t think my opinion fits the bill (your bill)? I am speechless!”

Share my point of view says: “Your statement of “Another thing, men enjoy the feeling of having conquered”, shows that you enjoy ‘conquering’ the weaker sex. Should you have respect to the opposite sex, or treat them as your equal, you shouldn’t have uttered that in argument to Lawstude’s reply. You also place sexual satisfaction and ego above anything else by stating that.”

Richard says: “That statement does not in any way mean that I like ‘conquering’ the weaker sex (!). This is an insular view of things at hand here. Look here, from days of old men have been known for mighty exploits (in battle, scientific advancement and the like). In all these instances, the driving force has been the drive of conquering. So how you narrow it down to mean that I enjoy conquering the weaker sex beats me.

A question for you: Who is the weaker sex? Do you mean women? Saying weaker sex is derogatory and demeaning to women. Yet you say that I should treat them as my equal. Practice what you preach!”

Share my point of view says: “I hope the world has not come to a point whereby you are judged by your previous mistakes.”

Richard says: "This is rather naïve of you. The world has never changed. You know how things work here i.e. unless you were voicing your hopes and wishes of what you’d like to see happening in the world. People are judged by what they do (the mistakes they make are included in this list). People are not viewed (you call it “judged”) by what they will do in future but by what they did in the past and what they are doing at present."

Share my point of view says: “My cousin’s getting REMARRIED next year and thank God her future husband is nothing like you.

Richard says: “You are very right – I thank God I am not marrying her. Something else, no two men are completely alike. So you are right again – I am very different from the future husband of your cousin.

Anyway, life has taught me very many things and one of them is not to take things at face value. If you only read my reply to Lawstude between the lines then you’d have written something totally different. Most of what you have written in your 399-word comment has been answered, rather subtly, in my reaction to lawstude’s comment. Care to reread it more carefully?”

Henry Kay says: “I’m sorry but this is fricking ridiculous. Where I live you’d be damned to find a married woman who was a virgin before she met her husband. Sex is okay to experiment with to an extent, as long as you feel you have a deep enough relationship with the other person. Most adults who are together, whether they are married or not, have had sex. Something sexual your S/O did before they even met you should have no impact on your relationship, unless you are a complete asshole.”

Richard says: "I totally disagree with you. You say ‘sex is okay to experiment, as long as you feel you have a deep enough relationship with the other person’. This is not right. Sex is only right in the context of marriage and not otherwise.

You continue to say that ‘most adults who are together, whether they are married or not, have had sex’. This does not validate that practice (though I have to admit that most adults, whether married or not, have ever had sex). This is a sorry state of affairs.

You completely err when you say that ‘something sexual your S/O did before they even met you should have no impact on your relationship, unless you are a complete asshole’. I say this can have a negative impact on your relationship if you don’t handle it with the seriousness it deserves. You don’t have to be an asshole (to use your word) to blow it up. We know only too well that there is no one who is perfect (as they say “human is to err”). But if people in relationships talk things out they can work out the most beautiful relationships ever seen. Just be open but, as a rule, never justify a wrong."

With that I rest my case, Gentlemen.

-Posted by Richard (Coauthor in Selerines World)


Elsewhere: Check out this Young Couple in my Neighbourhood that is driving ‘older’ Women Nuts

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** Selerines Group Answers Lawstude

In the comments section of my previous post about virginity my friend Lawstude says:

“Virginity should never be an issue at all. We need to marry the woman and not her vagina.”

Selerines Group says:

Lawstude, you are right (but only partly so). You say we marry a woman and not her vagina. Don’t you know that sex is one of the foundation blocks of marriage? So, previous sexual escapades can ruin a marriage if not handled carefully. You catch the drift?

You also say that this issue about the virginity status of a woman should not be an issue. Lawstude, do you know that there are some men who take it that a woman who is not a virgin (meaning that she has not “produced” blood during her first sexual experience with him) is not trustworthy and is therefore immoral. These guys should know that there are a number of reasons that would cause a woman not to produce blood during first sex other than previous sexual experience. Check some of the reasons here . {When you click on the link, scroll to the bottom of the post}

Some men take up arms in this issue, demanding to know the virginity status of their women, because they very well know that it would be hard for the woman to find out whether he is a virgin. Another thing, who else breaks the virginity of women other than men? So if virginity is an issue, then both men and women should be made to “feel the heat”.

Another thing, men enjoy the feeling of having conquered. So, to them, getting a virgin and being the first to break her virginity, gives them the feeling of triumph. Least do they think about the many lives they have shattered in their quest for this “triumphant feeling”.

In conclusion, I very well know that there are some chaste women (and men) out there who frown upon sexual intercourse before the opportune time (marriage). There are many men and women who “preserve” themselves for their future partners. If you are such a person out there, do not give up. Keep yourself for that man or woman and hopefully you’ll get someone who has been “preserving” himself or herself just for you.

- Richard

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